Entrapped

Silent sadness like still humid air
in the valley between hills,
heavy and moist, with nowhere to go,
nowhere to go but here.

Oh Sun, shine down bright on me
and take my tears to the clouds,
Bring me a breeze to my face
Make me light and enlightened.

The f-word

This is the story of chalk and cheese. According to myths some people don't believe, the first cheese did not give an apple to the first chalk while they were both not in the garden of Eden. Many thousand years later, some people believe in a magical f-word, or more appropriately, a c-word, just to keep the story buzzing and away from the censors. Some others, like me, don't think much of it.

All very well. Trouble is, nobody knows what the f-word means, although the consensus amidst the chaos seems to indicate that all is not well between chalks and cheese. As per informed sources, at the very basic level, the problem revolves around whether cheese and chalk are equal, or equivalent or any related comparitive qualifier, whether physically or mentally or some other splendidly inappropriate adverb. There are as many definitions and interpretations of the word as there are people who don't know what it means. I will admit, first and foremost, I don't know what it means either, but with people celebrating a carnival of sorts of the f-word, I figured I could add to the noise as well. It seems that there is this whole-hearted personal connection and inclusiveness built into this f-word that makes it impossible for some people to understand yet irresistible for some others to comment on. This makes every person's interpretation acceptable (shhh! so long as its a cheese's personal interpretation.....or, a chalk's sympathetic interpretation if it is not wholesomely disagreeable to a insignificantly large majority of the cheese-folk). One of the more simplistic (and profound?) and most-commended interpretations to come up recently asks people to judge for themselvs if they are f-nists (believers in the f-word) based on their answer to the question, "Are you white?". The preposterous idea being that all things white being equal, if a chalk believed it was white, it was suddenly forced by default to become a believer in the f-word, lest it be known that it was probably black!

Some say there is a quiet movement taking place as well (with the aforementioned carnival supposedly most likely taking its rightful place as a part of that process) with the the modus operandi taking multiple grotesque forms. Some of these forms include perpetuation of the ever-growing repository of of existing interpretations, publication of inflammatory propaganda and anti-chalk rhetoric, confounding the uninformed and provoking unrest among chalk and cheese alike who would rather prefer hear George Bush talk on the pressing need for democracy in oil-rich countries. Needless to say, the views expressed in such propoganda are predominantly comprised of cheese-folk describing in varying levels of detail their chronicles of the systematic abuse, discrimination and violation of cheese-folk by the more-power hungry, dominating chalks. Their leit motif is a graphic tale of cheese-folk hitherto being chained to the lowly confines of the kitchen seeking escape and liberation in the chalk-bastions, those glamourous black-boards in offices. Some words often thrown in for good measure are freedom, respect, esteem and such. While some displays of emotionally violent rhetoric often make personifications of tradition, religion and society as the preferred scapegoats, there are more extreme advocates who want nothing less than making chalks redundant and inconsequential to cheese. It is no surprise, therefore to note that the all-encompassing circus of the f-word reeks of ridiculous hypocrisy, both in idealogy and practice. The righteous fight against oppression, exploitation and violence have been entirely consumed by jealousy, covetousness and self-gratification. With no clear purpose, unity will mean nothing. To gain something, you lose something. Equality is an abstract ideal, it will remain elusive for as long as you have incomparable entities. To the more practically oriented, the world is a marketplace - even for chalks and cheese. I couldn't care less if the f-nists don't buy that. In the end, strength and character come from within. A test of fire may help, perhaps.

The glorified myth of the right decision

In life, we are very often obsessed with taking the "right decision". Be it something as mundane as buying a car or a house, or something more important like a career move, the myth of the right decision consumes our collective psyche.

Imagine a journey. You are at a fork in the road. Even if the roads are well laid out before you, and you know how each road is spread out, and assuming you know exactly where you want to go, it may not possible to say for sure whether going left is better than going right.

In life, it is a lot different. Most of the times, we do not know where we want to go. Even if we do, its definitely not enough to know how the roads are laid out in front of us. Knowing each path does not mean we can foresee the journey on the path. And that's where the right decision becomes a myth. There is no way you can tell before hand that one decision is right and the others are wrong. You just make a choice at each point of time, and in the end the choices that you have made are all you have. You cannot undo these choices or their consequences. You can retrace your path, traverse along the opposite direction, but time waits for no man.If you make a different choice the second time around, and you like the journey better, it no way makes the first decision wrong.

The myth of the right decision is a representation of the fixation of the human mind with assuming arrogant ownership of these choices, and assuming a certainty in the way things will pan out in the future. Its in our nature to be proud of the choices we make; to take credit for the consequences of these choices. It is our ignorance that makes us feel we have all the information, perspective and the intelligence to be able to take the correct decision, where no such thing is possible.

Take this experiment. A and B are at a cross-roads in their lives. A goes along path 1 and B goes along path 2. Firstly, A enjoying path 1 and B enjoying path 2 are not mutually exclusive. Lets say that is what happens. Now, typically, A will feel his decision of going along path 1 as opposed to path 2 was a master-stroke. He will talk to B on the phone and express his immense satisfaction on having taken the right decision. B will no doubt say something similar. The concept of the right decision assumes that A knows exactly what it is like to traverse path 2 and path 3 and path 4, if he is to say that path 1 was the right decision. If A wishes to conclusively prove that his decision was the correct one, he cannot because the overall system (for want of a better word) has changed since the time he made the choice to go along path 1. The decision of going along path 1 at t1 cannot be compared to the decision of going along path 2 at time t2. Furthermore, the experience of going along a path depends on many more factors than one can simulate in this experiment. The overall experience along any of life's paths depends on the experiences we have with others whose paths we cross, when we cross them among several other things. To say that we know for certain that we will have come across a multitude of random experiences along a path we know little about, whose overall effect on us would be better than another path is at best speculation, but to be honest, arrogant foolishness.

In essence, it is good and reassuring if the choices we made in our lives have held us in good stead. On the other hand, if the choices turned out to be not so good, there is no assurance that another choice would have turned out to be better. There is just a lot more happening beyond our control than the choices we make. In the long run, everyone ends up where they ought to be, our choices and right decisions notwithstanding.

A beach tragedy

A lonely man stands pondering
At the edge of land and ocean
These waves, they come and go,
One after another in tireless motion,

Indifferent to my heart's feelings,
Embracing and retreating on the sand
To end my dreams of love abrupt
When I wake up after a one minute stand

The receding wave is in tears too;
As she keeps returning to the shore;
Still looking for the man she loved,
She can't find him there anymore.

In disillusionment, she thinks
These heartless men, they come and go
Seeking only the pleasures of the senses,
Of love and affection,what would they know?

It wouldn't be this sad or true,
If only more people knew,
In every single rendezvous,
There are two points of view.